Devil’s Advocate — A Mindless Spoof

Karan Raphar : Hello and welcome to Devil’s advocate.Today we have a very controversial guest with us. Meet Mrs.Sabri Bai , street cleaner and sweeper outside Mr.Nagarjun Singh’s house.It was quite a task, finding Ms.Bai . Ofcourse when we said TV, she literally jumped into our van! The key issue I’ll be talking about is the apparent conspiracy to murder a prominent public figure, a great politician and leader..Mr.Nagarjun Singh and we’ll try to find out the motive behind this.

Karan : Welcome to our show Ms.Bai.

Ms.Bai : Thankooz Thankooz.Very pleasurable to be in front of this camera.Pls ask this cameraman to put camera only on my face.I will tell everyone in my slum to watch tv today.Yayy

Karan : Alrite, lets get started..So Ms.Bai, Although Its my belief you should be in jail.Here you are, scott-free and appearing on television.What Do you say for yourself ??

Ms.Bai..busy posing for the camera..Fluttering eyelashes..Adjusting saree..Checking if hairstyle is okay..

Karan : Ms.Bai?? Ahem..Can we have you back here ? Please answer my question, else I will assume you are accepting guilt!

Ms.Bai : Ohh Okay okay..Dont be so Touchy! Wait..What Jail? What guilt? I am a sweeper Not a contract-killer!

Karan : Yes, we are aware of your occupation Ms.Bai.But isnt it true that on the morning of 12th May 2007, while Mr.Singh was out for his walk, you walked past him with your dangerous broom, sweeping dust onto his face, rendering him and his bodyguards blind for 2 whole minutes , thereby throwing open a possibility of kidnapping???

Ms.Bai : Abey Ullu , Are you out of your mind? Thats my job ..I sweep for a living. Is it my fault that Your mr.Singh walked so close to me that he got dust on his face?

Karan (As usual All agitated) : But Ms.Bai, tell me..Dont you have a conscience? Doesnt it prick your guilty conscience that you increased the risk of a kidnap by 98% with that act of yours? How do you sleeep ms.Bai ? Tell me.. I want to know ..My Viewers want to know

Ms.Bai : Oh God..Who let this moron inside? Is there anyone else who can interview me? Help Helpp..Let me outt….(But makes no move to shift from her seat..Still staring at the camera fascinatedly)

Karan : I am not going to let you outside , Ms.Bai.Not without you telling me HOW you sleep Ms.Bai..

Ms.Bai : Cheeee..What dirty questions you ask !! Tch..tch..Its a family show isnt it? ;)..And you knw what Karan, I am sure most of india will be happy that I threw open the risk of one bewkoof politician being kidnapped.

Karan : Ms.Bai, Let me tell you, You might think you are not answerable to anyone for your actions.But I beg to differ and so does the whole of indiaa!

Ms.Bai : Hahahhahaha..Hahhaha hurts to laugh so much..Hahhaha.(Karan glaring) Oh..ahem oops..sorry sorry..I thought that was a joke..How you think the whole of india watches your show and all that..Anyhow, you should hear my side of the story, not the one your media reported.I was doing my usual morning routine like any other day.I had just finished sweeping one side of the road, when I see this bald fellow along with 6 other men in black walking out of their house and this Mr.Singh just ..ugh..disgusts me to even talk about it in open like this, opens his mouth and Spits a big ball of paan.Just where I had swept 2 minutes ago ! Can you imagine my rage Karan? So I did what any other person in my place would have done. I sneaked upto him and started sweeping furiouslyyy right next to his legs..Hahaha..What a sight that was..Bald men and 6 black men all covering their nose and coughing.. Hahahaha.

Karan : Ok! Clearly Ms.Bai here feels not even an iota of guilt over her endangering actions..Ok let me tackle this differently.Isnt it true that you also conspired to murder Mr.Singh ? With a possible accomplice in the form of a Milkman ..Who we suspect is much MORE than a milkman.

Ms.Bai : Uff Karan, I will give you a slap now.Who puts these ideas into your head? fooot.The milkman comes every single day at that time you fool..Not only on the day I threw dust on baldie’s face..(Giggle) Gosh that was funny.. Hey the milkman, very nice fellow, his name is Parthav.He will be thrilled I told his name on national tv.Oh wait, that reminds me, my sisters name is Sheela. She is also a sweeper in another area..Hii Sheelu, see I told your name on TV..I am on TV..yayy…Are you happy now?? And I have one more friend, Garima who is the garbage collector in my area.Hiii Gari..Hii Pappuu ..Pinkyy (My sisters children) .. Hii Meghna.. Hi..

(Karan asks the director to CUT for a while)

Karan : We will continue when you are done with naming everyone in your family..and your neighbours family..and whoever else you want to name

Ms.Bai : Ok Ok I am done :p..What an impatient fellow…When he talks all crap and goes offtrack and bullies everyone, they keep shooting and I get distracted ONCE and they CUT..hmmphhh…

(Karan signals to continue shooting)

Karan : So tell me this Ms.Bai, You are trying to tell me that the Milkman wasnt an accomplice and he just happened to come exactly at that time when you threw dust on their face and crashed onto our esteemed Mr.Singh? How Convenient is that?

Ms.Bai : Seriously, this guy talks crap and you keep shooting?? (Nodding head..tch tch) Karan, tell me, just before the show started, you stepped on my foot causing a lot of pain .Tell me now, Is the show just a ploy to take revenge for my actions? Have you been hired by Mr.Singh to fracture my foot so that I dont go on air and tell the world about his disgusting paan spitting habits?

Karan : All this is not relevant to what I asked Ms.Bai.Dont try to evade my questions. I have proof that you harboured murderous feelings inside you.I have sources confirm to me that, I quote you on this, you said (right before milkman enters the scene) “All Of You Go To Hell” (translated from the hindi phrase “sab baar mein jaye”) So its obvious now isnt it? It was probably a cue for the milkman, who comes riding that time and crashes into Mr.Singh , injuring Mr.Singh and 2 of his body guards. I think I have your conspiracy all figured out now..(Smiles in glee)

Ms.Bai : Abey what crash-wash..It was a stupid CYCLE old man.Get that into your head. The only injury they suffered was due to their being a bag of inactive,unfit lazy bones. One push and noone could get up and Mr.Singh starts acting like he was shot on his chest. And the cycle dint even crash on was near him.Yeah I remember how he clutched his chest and asked 4 of his bodyguards to lift him up. hehee..okay even that was funny!! These people..what they do for attention..

Karan : So you are trying to say your conscience is clear.All these allegations against you and milkman is false? Cmon give me a break Ms.Bai.I know, We all know what your motives were…..

Ms.Bai : Aaaaaaargghhhhhhhh…Okay I am telling this one final time.I was sweeping. Singh Spitting..Me Getting Angry, Sweeping again.Lot of dust all around . Milkman coming, he cant see anything because in my anger ,I swept up quite a lot of dust. He crashing into that stupid group..stoopid reporters covering it..end of story..AND GOOD BYE ..(Reaches for the pail of garbage she had with her, and dumps it all on Karan’s head and storms out)..

Karan : Splutter…Spits out..That brings us to the end of the show, Ladies and Gentlemen. I trust you got some of the answers you were looking for. CUTTTTTTT

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5 responses to “Devil’s Advocate — A Mindless Spoof

  1. Abt wat probie? Oh havent u seen Devil’s Advocate on CNN IBN? and how Karan Thapar bullies his guests? ..:) jst ws spoofing that..its okay..dont use ur brain too much 😉

  2. i couldnt read the entire thing and had to as i felt that it was so creepy..charu..i expected better stuff from u 🙂

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