Now I really want to bomb OOSAA

(For the uninitiated, I love screwing up spellings, so Oossaa is actually USA πŸ™‚ ..And yes I need to mention I am and never was ever desperate to go to the US..I have always felt its sorta over hyped..Europe is another story..but NOT Ooossaaa)

When I went for the US Visa interview yday, I was a docile, kind hearted, “paaavam” creature.Now after they deemed that I could be a potential threat to the US..I really want to bloddy bomb that country. Anyway going into Flash back—->
2nd November, 2006 – The day I was to have my US Visa Interview for the B1/B2 category (A Business Visit.I need to be reminded to write another post abt the “carrot and stick” approach they use at work just to get us to stop wasting time..;))

Anyhow, In preparation for this, our boss had grilled us quite a bit about procedures, possible questions, documents needed etc etc.. Infact, he took us to our conference room the day before and actually almost drew the blue print of the entire US Consulate, informing us about entry/exit locations, chair locations, counter positions etc etc .I was silently wondering if we were planning to attack the consulate or go for an interview there! hehe..

My interview time was 2:30 pm and I reached there around 1 pm.I was hoping its all cloudy in Chennai but as LUCK would have it, it was frigging hot and sweaty! Again , I was expecting atleast the US consulate to be efficient and smooth in proceedings but you know how “bad days” are right? They just get more and more screwed as time goes! So It was extremely crowded and we all had to wait for 2.5 hours in the sweltering heat before we were let inside.Where we had to again wait for 1.5 hours to get finger printed..I dont know which other country subjects us to such humiliation.They probably follow – Assume Guilty until proven innocent – to the T!
The worst part is that the word “Interview” just breaks me into a cold sweat.So I was so sure I was going to make a complete fool of myself.I even became nervous when finger printing man asked me to place my “left index finger” on that machine..and i promptly put my right index finger there (Thankfully I realised WHICH my index finger was..saving me from more humiliation) It still took the “eating action” to figure out which was my left hand.:D.Once that was done, we had to wait in queue again for the sacrosanct interview with the phirangs! You must be aware of one of the Murphy’s Law – When Things Can Go Wrong , It WILL! So since I am a major follower of that , I had booked my flight back to Bangalore for 6:30 pm and It was already 5 plus I din’t see any remote chance of getting to the head of the line before 6! But somehow, they suddenly opened up the last counter for B1/B2. There was this old amreekan lady taking the interview there and I somehow thought I might have a better chance with her since she was like distributing 10 year multiple entry visas to everyone..So I sorta “tricked” my way into that queue. There was this moron before me in that line who was going to study in the US. AndDumb Old Lady(Hereby Known as DOL) asks him why hez got 11 backlogs..and his excuse “I had jaundice in my 3rd year so I couldn’t clear 7 papers thenn and In my final year I had to write tough exams like GRE and TOEFL so I failed 4 more papers”. The dude studied in some small town inspite of which he had a major American Accent!! And DOL says “Okay Your English Is very good so you wont have problems following your classes. YourVisa has been Approved.You need to take care of your health and study well!” ..Grrrrrrrrrr…I din’t know they WANT morons so desperately out there..I was so impatient and restless waiting since I dint feel like missing my flight (plus I had plans to meet my boyfriend who lived close to the airport :D)..And then It was my turn.I was asked “Why do you need to go to the US?”. I had mugged this answer up totally so I said without a pause “To understand the Client’s backend part of the code so that I can integrate it with our code back here in India”..DOL wasnt impressed.She then asked me “Why are You going there for 4 weeks?”..My brilliant reply — “Umm as in..why is it so short or long?”..I think thats when DOL started hating me..for asking that stooopid question.I handed over the client’s “invitation” letter and she was like “So who are your Client’s Clients?”…Now I started getting all sweaty..I did not have an answer to that! So I said..Our client doesnt share this information with us but I can tell you our clients ..X and Y” ..DOL looked very skeptical – “Only TWO??”..Umm Duh Yes! We are a Startup..DOL says a bit angrily “I cannot give you a visa without knowing who is financing your client’s projects”..The right answer was “They are VC funded and have many potential customers” but What I said was “Umm…Ahem..Brrrr..Hooga Hoogaa..Cough..Backend Training..Integrate In India..Chookee”..DOL spent the next 10 minutes on her computer and then turned to me and said “Okay I am sorry but I have to reject your applicatioon since I dont understand what you do which you probably know”! Snifffff.. I said “thanks” FOR NOTHING..and walked away from there..Just realised how rejection of any kind reallly hurts. I got into an auto outside and Rubbing salt to my wounds the stoopid auto guy replied to my “how much to velachery and then to airport” with “Madam In the happiness of your getting the visa, give me how much ever you thiink right (read 500Rs!)”..I gave him such a murderous look and growled “I did not get the bloddy visa So I’ll give you 200 bucks..Now GOO”..(point to be noted : In chennai, auto men talk ONLY in terms of 100’s ..bloddy fleecers!).The next 30 minutes saw the auto guy trying to freaking FLY with his auto..since he saw me cry and all and had “vowed” to take me to the airport by 6:10! Phew..What a ride that was!! Shed a few more tears in the airport..as people called me to find out what happened to my Visa thingy..Couldnt help it if my ego felt bruised..

Snifff..SO THATS how I became a potential threat to the US ;)..

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15 responses to “Now I really want to bomb OOSAA

  1. lol!!!!
    man im supposed to be feeling bad for u..but the blog is hillaariousss!!..i swear…i cldnt stop laughing….:P….u really have a gud hand at funny stuff man….ughhh…i try being funny..i end up making it an emotional melodrama!:P

  2. nice blog.. i can very well understand what u have been through… but the blog was very well written. Hilarious . Never mind.. There’s always a next time yaar. πŸ™‚

  3. very funny… happened upon this blog by chance. the US inspires such amazing feelings in Indians! I wonder how you would have reacted had you GOT the visa.. πŸ™‚

  4. @scout, trust me..if i did get the visa it wouldnt even be worth a mention in my blog πŸ™‚ ..
    Anchs, hhehe nice abbreviation..sniff..thanks for that compliment..m soo touchedd

    Probiee..Yeah i knoww..These #%!*&@..i dont know If i wanna apply again so soon..U know Atul being here and all that πŸ˜€
    Orkiee..hehe thankz..As i said yday ..Dont Feel Bad..Cuz I am Glad..ahem..shud be a poet..wat say πŸ˜‰ hehe

  5. my visa to the US had gotten stalled because they were not sure of my course in the univ here!! even though it was an ivy league school!! and then they sent it after like freaking 15 days!

  6. great !! how can you talk about bloody bombing that country and then use $@#$@#$ to swear. consistency in the level of insults will always be appreciated

    and how can you be so dejected/pissed about a thing you never would have celebrated had you obtained it.

    or more than just want, maybe you began expecting it , thought you probably deserved it.

    if you really feel like you deserve it, then walk in there and grab it, dont plead for it.

    — am sure this was said by someone when somebody wanted something from the british sometime back.. not sure who

  7. “Bloddy” is a good word Mr.Kundcenusonfrey..ahem btw i hope Your name is not some swear word in some obscure language :P..
    And who are You/Your “dumb” Country to decide whether I “deserve ” to come there??? :p..I am not Pleading for it for godssake..! and Just because Its my blog topic doesnt mean I am feeling Oh-So-Shattered about it..
    There..NOW i am satisfied

  8. Mannn.. same case wid me toooo :(( buggers didnt refuse.. but have put me into some administrative process. and i have a strong feeling it is probably dude to fact that my name sounds a li’l bit like ooooooosama :).. neway i am just waiting for the day when 1 INR will be 1 US $ and then I realllly wanna join Indian VISA administrative services (if there is anythign like that).

    Awesome blog yet again from the funky girl πŸ™‚

  9. Well I dont know wat to say to this blog. But I now know one thing for sure. If there is a Sarcasm king/queen title I am gonna grant it to you. he he he … ( If ever i can grant it….)

  10. @sush..Hey yeah i can so totally understand..these buggers thikn they own the world..Verifying ivy league courses..ughhhh..
    @void..YOU gotta tell me what happ to ur visa thingy..mebbe a blog cussin frm u too πŸ˜‰ (btw i copied this @ idea frm u..:D)
    @Saurabh..yeaah I visit ur blog pretty often..next time wl definitely leave a comment..
    @anand..Haha sarcasm queen?? ahem..was i sarcastic??? ;)..and which title are u talking about??? the mysteriously muddled thing? or u also wanted to bomb oosa πŸ˜‰

  11. Hmm well i thought u were sarcastic. May be i am a blind in sensing intentions and made it up….:-P but who knows may be i am right. Anyway I was speaking about the sarcasm title. I won’t contend for the MMMM title; since i think i already deserve it. And i just don’t have the modesty to say it out aloud πŸ˜€

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