The Important HOW TO’s in Life

Have you ever sat in a theatre/cinema, watching actors u Looooooove on the screen with an Overpowering urge to whistle at them?? And then when you try to, all that comes out is some air and a distinct sound very similar to a “pressure-cooker”??? (or as some of my friends ask me with a lot of concern “Do u have asthma!” ..Sniifff..heartlesss souls). Anyways, Too the rescue comes this post which I’ve dedicated to educating the masses on some How To’s , the first of which is

  • How to Whistle/ Wolf Whistle

The contents of the site I was about to copy is too huge. So here’s a link 😀 –> How to Wolf Whistle.

I’ve been practisin for 2 days now but a lot of constraints here given that i WORK and that my boss has temporarily shifted to the place Right next to me..but Still I manage to catch some “alone whistle” time ;). I delude myself thinking my whistle actually sounds like a whistle..But noone agreess.So if any of you get any of it right, you GOTTA teach me howw..

Okay now that google has started listing my site for this particular search,I’ve decided to impart some gyan on this (so as to not to disappoint the “searchers”)

  • How To Kick Start a Scooter

  1. Get a Scooter / Kinetic Honda
  2. Insert Keys in the right place
  3. Try the ignition button.
  4. If step 3 is a success, then you can Zooom away to nevernever land
  5. But if step 3 doesnt work, then you gotta use those legs (think of it as exercise..thats what i do.I envision beautiful shapely legs with all the kicking I do!) .

5.1. Hold the left hand brakes and try to revv up your machine while doing it.

5.2 If this doesnt work, try the right hand brakes (well , I dont have a good memory 😉 )

6. If step 5 also doesnt work, then I think its time you sell your ishhcooter..

And Nextt Following up on Sindhu’s suggestions

  • How to drive away lizards

I actually tried this and it sorta worked while I was in college. Keep a peacock feather in your room. The lizards mistake it for a “peacock” (whaddayakno!!! ).But then you need to display in quite a few places and by the theory of evolution, lizards are also growing smarter 😀

And finalllyyy

  • How to appear Smart In front of Da Boss

Many of us have “technical” discussions with the bosses which go totally over the head. The trick here is to appear like you are understanding everything. Here are some tips

  1. One of the most important tips is to LOOK like you are concentrating.You know the works – Knitted eyebrows, curious eyes, frequent nodding. You could be looking at something stuck in ur boss’s teeth for all you know. Its all about “perception” ppl..
  2. Oh and it might sound stupid, but Oooh’s and Aaaah’s also work most of the time. Combine it with step 1 for better results. So you are like saying Oooooh Like THAAAT and nodding your head AND having a “curious” look in your eyes..phew A lot of work there but well there’s no gain without any pain (Waah waaah..such a profound saying)
  3. With 1 and 2 you still havent risen to the “Oh She/He’s smaart” stage. So step 3 is to repeat whatever the boss has said , regardless of whether you understand it or not. For example, my boss says, we need to handle levelization with the state machine at time 0%&^*^&*%@# (ie some more of this greek and latin crap) and I say, levelization Oooh (Pls Note, this Oooh should sound like Archimedes’ Eurekaa ) , state machine ahaaan (Like “state machiine” is at your fingertips)..time 0…Hmmm..And suppose the boss notices you are just repeating and asks “WHAAT, Did you say something”, then you say “Nothing Nothing..I got it..Yes ..Very Challenging”..
  4. Phew Thats about it for technical discussions. Even at other times, pretending like you are doing something very important is very important. So even if you are playing cards, you have to LOOK like you are working.So you need to look into the air several times DEEEP in thought..Some hand movements like you are calculation might help too..And again shaking your head to yourself is also a necessary aid to Looking smart! You could just be contemplating where to put that wretched 5 of diamonds!

Guess I should stop before I “spoil” the rest of mankind. Hey but I’ve been working really hard the whole of last week..So I do work when its reallly needed and the earth is going to be PLUnged in Darkness otherwise ;)..

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3 responses to “The Important HOW TO’s in Life

  1. Okay.. easily the best post so far :-).. and this time with a lotta relevance to the title as well :D..

    Btw, why on earth were you really searching for ‘how to kick start a scooter??’. i mean.. can joblessness be so interesting at times? :)..

    keep blogging!

  2. Wow..thanks void!! You r da beshttt..;)..And yeah I wasnt jobless..I really wanted to know how to kick start My scooter (I mean kinetic honda)..and nothing ws working so I thot i ws doin smthiing wrong 😀

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